A TRIBUTE TO MEANINGLESS POETRY!!

One day, I was eating at a panipoori shop,
the pani poori had holes, and the pani filled through the top
I ate and ate until my bladder hit me hard,
I had to run down the lane to find a place of guard!

I pissed until I wished, and came out with head high
“wow” I felt, what a relief, the achievement - it’s a high!
I had to catch the bus to go to tambaram,
So I walked along the street and the liquor shop selling rum.

Kalyani – shouted a drunkard and the owner stood in doubt
Maater aa meter aa he asked, it was more than a shout.
“aa.. Yechusme sister…I need a duster”
“yen on ootukkari illaya”, she bursted like a mustard.

My little heart breaking, and avamaanam touching,
I left crying and broke a bottle on the ceiling,
I broke it so hard that a dog nearby was startled,
It shouted at me carelessly and hence I was rattled.

Disrespect from a Dog, my God it’s a big shame,
Nearby no fan to hang myself the excuse isn’t lame,
I looked hard for a toilet with a smell so precariously high,
That no one even in his wrong sense would approach it nearby

At last I found one, at the end of the street,
I walked lazily, but depressed were my feet,
OMG, there were cries of mating in the dark,
It was a bitch, being fucked with an occasional fart.

Even suicide wasn’t my cup of tea, disgusted by the dogs,
Attempting in vain I left my search for bogs!
“ida dan na appove sonnen”, laughed out a rugged fool
sitting on the top and contaminating the water pool!

I scratched my head like a mental, and people stared frightened,
A car splashed on me slurry of mud which was strengthened.
A manhole lay infront of me! “I am going there”
I opened the manhole only so that a rat could lick my hair

An intelligent person amongst the hundreds of men,
Threw stones at me, casual as a lion in its den,
And each one of them hit me and the stones started growing bigger,
I pleaded to him “Beta, im not yet a beggar”
He stopped and cried like an actor would have,
And asked for forgiveness like a sinner would have
I asked him “what is the problem you have”
He said “I was trying to save you from the rat you have”

Compassion wins hearts I only realized then,
I tore apart my clothes and generously parted them,
Some people stood in disgust and other is awe “heyyy dude”,
And it took me almost an hour to realize that I was nude!!!

The Indian police are shrewd and came immediately with a van,
I knew what I had done and waved a hand to every man.
Some people cried but not for me,
And many others laughed, not at me!

But the chaos was broken by an enriched voice –
“Katradhu kackoos alavu, kallaaladhu coovum alavu”
I clapped and laughed and danced and cried
Only to understand the true meaning, I tried.

The gates of the vehicle opened for me,
And it read “Heaven for Thee”
I entered majestically only to find it occupied
By DOGS and BITCHES, now I joined the tide!

I lost any hope of living and started to feel dizzy,
But a bitch nearby me was licking me very busy,
I had to appreciate its love, it made me feel easy
And I reciprocated to it! It all happened in a jiffy!

A new ray of hope shone through the window grills,
The dog lay on my lap and humming a romantic tune shrill,
I decided that “this is my life” and committed to it,
The police station arrived and unsurprisingly smelled shit.

The inspector asked me, all the formal questions,
But I was in my world, a world of new things,
He hit me and thrashed me and I kept looking at the bitch,
As, she was my only hope of galloping out of the ditch.

I looked at her in her eyes and she looked at me back.
The police station was stunned, everyone stepped back.
But then the one true policeman came to me,
And asked me in sign language “am I steady”?


I replied “yes” symbolically, and told him I had a wish,
He enquired me (through signs again), of my wish.
I pointed to the bitch and then to me and asked for a “thali”
The police man got frightened and said “mavane ne gaali”

I was unperturbed by these taunts and stood steady like a king
“I am a major and so is she, and you have to give us the ring”
He gulped in saliva and then spat it down knowing not, what to do,
And then unwillingly he obliged to a history in the making phew!

The stage was set and the “mantras” and the “melam” were played by a recorder.
The eldest of their family and the eldest of mine assembled in that order.
The knot was tied and flowers fell like a shower, everyone blessed from their heart!
And the celestial wedding changed my life; ‘our’ life has got its start!!!

P.S: This poem is not the result of hours of hard work and unscrupulous dedication, but a result of inspiration to capture absurdity in a poetic sense as much as possible though at places some sense does creep in inevitably. This is a dedication to all those hundreds of poems and poets who have written utter nonsense and which have become famous amongst public surprisingly for being aesthetically and sensibly worst (BAD, YET FAMOUS!!). Comments are eagerly awaited.